You Are Good Enough and You Deserve the Best
Posted on 13 December 2011
“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer
We sometimes make excuses as to why we don’t deserve the best.
We say that our relationship with our partner is good enough and that other people have much worse relationships. We don’t reach for our dreams because doing so would make us feel too selfish.
Isn’t it time you stopped letting fear run your life? That you stopped making excuses for why things aren’t better in your life?
Fear is an ugly word. It keeps us from true happiness because it prevents us from taking risks. We avoid anything slightly painful, even though staying in the current situation hurts more.
When I was younger I was afraid of being myself. I constantly wanted to conform to others in order to be liked and appreciated.
I just wanted to be liked for myself, but I wasn’t letting people see that person.
I’ve learned that if you show the real you, not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. The people who are worth your time will appreciate you for who you are. And you will have deeper, more meaningful relationships as a result.
I was afraid to think for myself, was not confident in my decisions, and let others decide what I should be doing according to their beliefs. I felt like a toy boat being tossed about in the ocean, and it was exhausting.
In high school we aren’t taught what healthy relationships look like and what is and isn’t acceptable. We make excuses for other people’s behavior, even though it is hurtful to us. We hope that they will change and think that perhaps we can mold them into better people.
In my first relationship I changed completely for the guy. I desperately wanted someone to love me, so I went from a suburban girl to a country girl—complete with the cowboy boots and belt buckle. But inside I felt empty because I was playing a role.
Deep down, I was afraid of being rejected. I didn’t think I was worthy of being loved, just as I was.
After that, I got into an abusive relationship. I reasoned that he would change into the person he used to be—that maybe I could help him be a better person. Nothing changed. Things just got worse.
I let him have control over me, and ultimately I became depressed and fearful.
Love isn’t supposed to be fearful. Love means accepting a person, flaws and all. But it’s also about mutual respect for each other. It’s about fully appreciating a person without trying to change them. It’s about free will.
I got pregnant in college, and I lost a whole group of friends who judged me for it. But looking back, I realize this experience weeded out friends who weren’t truly there for me.
My true friends, on the other hand, threw a surprise baby shower for me and loved me unconditionally. This is what people do when they see and accept you for who you are. This is what we open up to when we do the same for ourselves.
I finished college with the help from my parents and am now obtaining my master’s degree.
Many people asked if I was quitting college. They doubted that I could do it. But I had faith in myself. For the first time I felt confident, whether everyone liked me or not.
As I grew into a stronger woman, I realized that who I am is wonderful, and that no one was going to convince me otherwise or try to change me. I also decided to stop hoping I could change other people.
I took things one day at a time, because looking at the big picture was too daunting and overwhelming. I knew that one day I would meet someone who loved me for me and that I would love them for them—when the time was right.
Having a child helped me appreciate the present moment and beauty around me. She doesn’t get stressed out about the past or future. She doesn’t worry about what others think of her.
She simply dances around the living room, plays with her toys, and laughs without worries or cares. She appreciates flowers and sunlight. Seeing her live reminds me of who and how I want to be.
The present moment is all we have, and we deserve to enjoy it.
Worrying is exhausting. It drains you mentally and physically. And in the end, nothing gets accomplished except worrying.
So why do we do it? Because we feel that if we are worrying, we are taking a positive action. We feel as if doing so can change the situation, when in reality it cannot.
One time while pregnant, I was at the grocery store and I thought this old woman was giving me dirty looks. She was glaring at my empty ring finger. I felt certain I knew what she was thinking.
Look at the unmarried pregnant woman; she’s such a sinner and a drain on society. I ended up getting nervous and hurried to leave. Upon going out the door, I realized that I had left my milk in the store.
At that point I realized how ridiculous it was. So what if she was judging me? Why should I let someone else get me that frazzled?
I realize now that I can only open up to all the good I deserve in life if I stop obsessing about what people think of me and fully realize that, just as I am, I am good enough.
We are all good enough, and we all deserve the best. We just have to believe it.
Email subscribers: This was meant to go out yesterday, but due to an error on my part it did not go out–hence the long email today!
Photo by infinitas infinito
About Alesha Chilton
Alesha is an MBA graduate who enjoys writing to help others! Her recent book about relationships can be found on the Amazon Kindle store, titled The System For Women: Find and Keep the Man of Your Dreams Online! She also has a craft website titled www.chicandcraftydiva.com.